And Now For Something Completely Different.
At my advanced age, there are only 3 things that I know for sure:
1 – I do not like writing articles
2 – I hate deadlines
3 – I am quickly running out of topics for this Chamber column.
All these years, I thought of myself as being deep, insightful, and well-versed enough to write a monthly column for a newsletter, but apparently that isn’t the case. So, as I type these words, praying to be ambushed by a profound business topic, I am also aware that the deadline to turn in this 450 word composition is now just 2 hours away. On the plus side, I’ve already racked up over 100 words to this point. Sweet.
(1 hour and 48 minutes to go)
Fearing that hunger might be the problem, I go to the fridge and eat some cantaloupe, grown right here in the Valley. Then I remember that the October edition of the newsletter highlights agriculture and I smile broadly at the symbolism. I also applaud my ability to live the Chamber’s “Buy Local” directive. I walk over to the mirror and high-five myself. Twice.
(1 hour and 32 minutes to go)
Still no topic, but having past the 200 word threshold, I decide to reward myself by checking my Fantasy Football scores. I get distracted on the website and then realize that the deadline is getting closer, and that maybe, just maybe, I should consider being tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. But then I see a Butterfly and decide to chase it.
(1 hour and 9 minutes to go)
I make a firm commitment to write about High Speed Rail. (1 hour to go.) I bail on the the High Speed Rail idea. (55 minutes to go) I ransack my office looking for a leftover bottle of Christmas Cabernet. (49 minutes to go) In full panic mode, I ransack my office looking for a bottle of Xanax.
(36 minutes to go) I consider cleaning up my office, because a clean work space will help me meet my deadline. (35 minutes to go) Clean my office. Hahaha. That’s a good one!
(29 minutes to go)
This is Al Smith’s fault. Damn you, Al Smith.
(22 Minutes to go)
I start in earnest my search for an Attention Deficit Disorder Center, but unfortunateIy get distracted by the word earnest. (13 Minutes to go) Wait, thirteen is an unlucky number. (12 minutes to go) 398, 399, 400 words. Maybe I can buy a topic on ebay? (8 minutes to go) Somebody outbids me on ebay.
(6 minutes to go) Okay, maybe instead of a topic, I can wrap this up with a moral. Yeah, that’ll work. Why didn’t I think of that sooner? (4 minutes to go) And…uh…the moral of the story…uh…article is…uh…sometimes in business, it’s good to have a sense of humor. Especially in this economy. It can come in handy. (3 minutes to go) Humor – man that is genius. (2 minutes to go) Proofread. (1 minute to go) …and send.
Man, I hate deadlines.