Stalker Media

Jeffrey Scott Knows What You Did Last Summer…

Posted: October 30, 2017 by Julie Garcia

Stalker Media

…And where you shopped, what you ate, and who you slept with.

Seem like the plot of a millennial horror movie? Do you feel victimized?

That’s how my parents felt last year when my dad struck a pose and declared, “WE’RE GOING OOOOOOFF THE GRID” a la those quirky Little Caesars commercials a few years back.

And while my family literally cut the cords that connected them to the world (and let’s be honest, all the good TV too) I was embracing the “stalker media” like a warm blanket.

Can I just throw out there that “victimized” is a pretty strong word? I prefer the term “lovingly considered”—like all those ads on the side of your news articles are “just thinkin’ about you,” similar to your mom sending you a care package during finals week.

There’s a lot of thought that goes into those puppies!

Any good marketer will carefully consider who you are and what you’re into before showing you those ads. Gone are the days where we just blanket target “Adults 18-34” because those are the folks who we think buy pizzas. Say hello to targeting “anyone who has walked into a pizza place in the past 30 days” or better yet “anyone who likes pizza but hasn’t visited a pizza place in 60 days.”

By the way, how do we know what you did last summer? Well, let’s lean into this Halloween theme.

Remember that creepy little video that was floating around about six years ago now, Take this Lollipop? You know the one. You take a digital lollipop by connecting your Facebook to the website, and then spoiler alert, as it turns out you gave a creepy stalker access to your Facebook profile and all of your sensitive personal information!

Advertising is kind of like that. Except we don’t even ask for permission. We know where your phone goes. And what your credit card buys, and yes, even your deep, dark internet search history.

Listen, it’s not what it looks like, ok? We don’t want to do anything, like weird. We just want you to buy stuff. Lots of stuff. Do you like us? We like you. Where are you going? Don’t look at us like that! Hey!

I mean, anyways… We call customers who fall outside of a brand’s identified traditional demo “valuable wastage”.

In a recent study of a blue-chip client, it was found that 35% of its sales came from “valuable wastage” (what we lovingly call consumers who fall outside a brand’s identified traditional demo, and in this case a broad 18-34 target) and 50% of sales came from outside its 18-24 bulls eye.

That’s a lot of money spent by people the brand did not originally identify as important enough to target.

What a waste of potential victims—er, we mean customers.

Now that you’ve gotten to know Jeffrey Scott a little bit let us get to know you.

Specifically, let us stalk you a little bit to find out the car you drive, the stores you shop at, and the weird videos you’re watching at 1am (not too weird, hopefully).

Let us use that info to show you ads that are relevant to your interests and tastes. Let us customize your ad experience as much as possible so every time you open up your browser it feels like your birthday.

Let “stalker media” cut out the disinterested people and see you as an individual again.

What do you say? Since we’re introduced, we’re not strangers anymore.

Won’t you take this lollipop?

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